Show your support by simply watching and sharing the official video of
Rare Disease Day to help bring about change. This is the 6th year of what has
now become an annual event to raise public awareness, and although the idea of Rare Disease Day 2013 is
to inform and educate the general community, it's aims are also to bring these diseases
to the forefront making politicians, researchers and professionals in the
health field pay more attention.
About me
PROFILE:
I have been writing poetry and stories since I was a child, and a love of reading was instilled in me from an early age. I am passionate about writing, and hope you enjoy the books I have written. Whilst most of you sleep soundly in your beds, like many Parkinson’s patients, insomnia dictates, so during those hours that sleep eludes me, the house is tranquil and quiet, an atmosphere perfect to immerse myself in writing. My life has been a series of strange events, which have without doubt contributed to my creativity. To publish anything is to bear one’s soul to the world. It is to stand naked and let everyone see who you really are. I have poured my heart and soul out on paper and I hope to share this journey, immersing you in a story, capturing your attention and firing the imagination. Through my writing and public speaking I hope to bring greater awareness to the general public about living with chronic disease.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Rare Disease Day
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Appreciate what you have
I look about me, and despite being in pain most of the time, suffering
the indignities that Parkinson's has so generously thrown my way, I feel
content. When I say "generously" needless to say I mean this with great
sarcasm. My dry British sense of humour still intact has become an important
tool for dealing with every day difficulties. As strange as this may sound, on
a good day, I am able to put aside my illnesses and see the good things that
have been bestowed upon me. With a loving attentive husband by my side, who
deserves a medal for putting up with my health issues which disrupt our lives,
and a daughter any mother would be proud of; what more could I ask for?
Focusing on what's important, it's not hard to realise, I have everything I could
ever want or need. That is everything except good health. But who knows maybe
the day will come when Parkinson's can be extinguished from our lives, and the fiery
intensity with which it devours the body and mind will be doused and put out
for good. So, feeling like it's going to be a good day, I have decided just for today I will
see no PD, hear no PD or speak of PD.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Losing weight
Difficulty in swallowing is a very unpleasant feeling and a symptom of
Parkinson's that requires one to keep calm. I was advised when eating to take
small bites and not to overload my fork. Choking on food or even one's saliva
is a scary situation, and as soon as you let panic take over, naturally the
whole episode becomes even worse. Eating foods that go down easily such as
yoghurt, makes things easier. Having no sense of smell, and now my taste buds
are also diminishing, hence food is less appetizing to me, and it's easy to skip
meals. The less interested in food, due to no smell or taste not to mention the
scary sensation of choking, all naturally promote weight loss. Losing weight at
first might seem great, getting rid of excess kilos that with little work slip away effortlessly. You may initially feel good and fit into your clothes
much better, but this is a dangerous line to cross. The stomach also becomes
accustomed to receiving less food, and the loss of weight can escalate and get
out of control, which can possibly lead to other complications. Pay attention
that you eat and don't miss meals. Try and eat a well balanced meal, and keep
an eye on your weight.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Mourning process
Continuing from yesterday, these are some of the
thoughts I wanted to share with you from the personal experience of a
caregiver:
"As unpleasant a
thought, it is natural and inevitable that one of a couple will go
first. After losing a spouse/partner, how does one move forward? Everyone
needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. If hobbies and a social
network are already in place, this makes the transition from being a couple to
ending up single much easier. Plan and prepare for the day that will
unavoidably come - especially those caring 24/7 for someone without any help,
due to finances, guilt or shame.
The mourning process
begins whilst still caring for a loved one, and should be acknowledged that whilst
grieving the loss of the person, they should be remembered as they once were.
We all go through this whether we have an illness or not, simply due to the ageing process
that none of us can avoid. As the years pass, we become more fragile, no one
escapes this progression. We protect ourselves, but we shouldn't give up and
become insular; we need to fight it.
A caregiver doesn't
realise it at the time, but is already going through a mourning process even
though their loved one is still very much alive and present. Both go through
this course which is only normal. However, find new joys and interests that
both can share while still able; creating a new history together. This might
not be the route you had planned, but a different one can be made, by organizing
a variation of what you had once planned. Find a new place of contentment in
whatever inspires you - giving you reason to preserve your spirits. Keep in
touch with what you enjoy and don't give it up."
Sunday, February 24, 2013
A caregiver's experience
I have a special visitor staying with me at present; my sister-in-law,
who has first hand experience at being a caregiver, as she looked after my
brother who had Gaucher and Parkinson's, until he sadly passed away three years
ago. Talking together, I was given insight of her experience and what she had
been through. I was taken aback at something she said, that had not occurred to
me, and with her permission I am sharing her perspective with you:
"It’s all about attitude, as everything is in life. Make sure you reach
out for help. Banish feelings of shame, guilt and anger, and get out there. Continue
to be part of society. How a caregiver reacts is incredibly important, not only for the one who is ill, but for family and friends too, as unconsciously a caregiver can become
a role model for those around. It is important to set a good example for our
children; the next generation. Everybody gets ill at some point in their life,
obviously to different extents, and people will remember down the road a positive
or negative approach of how a caregiver handled a particular situation. Family
and friends want to help a happy person, but will become estranged from angry people.
Anger and bitterness gets treated like a contagion, and puts distance between
you and the very people you need, and who like wise need you."
There is much more I would like to write, as we talked for several hours,
and many pertinent issues arose. I will write further on this topic tomorrow.
Until then, I wish you a good day.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Have a good day!
Have you ever noticed how some days just start off on the wrong foot,
and go from bad to worse? You begin to wonder why you bothered getting up at
all? Then there are other days, where you sail along and lady luck seems to be
by your side. Yesterday was a good day, which is a rare occurrence for me, suffering two chronic diseases. It started off with a refund that arrived in the
post from the gas company, a most unusual but welcome surprise - what better
way to start a day! Usually the mail consists of bills to be paid, bank
statements that make one cringe, and enough junk mail to have killed a dozen
trees. Life is what you make it, and if you decide to have a bad time, trust me
you will. If you awake in the morning with the preconceived idea that today is
going to be hell - you wont be disappointed, for it's sure to be miserable. So
when I wake up, I make a conscious decision that today is going to be good. Of
course this doesn't always work, as having two chronic illnesses to contend
with, sometimes no matter how determined I am, I cannot control what is
happening to my body. However, staying as positive as I can, seeing the cup
half full and counting my blessings does help. A series of small good events can create a
chain reaction, and ultimately make for a positive and pleasant day, putting
Parkinson's on the back boiler for a while. When you have a good day, it's
almost contagious as automatically you affect those around you. If you smile at
someone, they will inevitably smile back at you. If you greet a person warmly,
it is usually reciprocated; this is human nature. Keeping cheerful and having a
sense of humour, is beneficial for you, but even more so for those you love and
who tirelessly stand by your side and take care of you. Have a good weekend; be
infectious and make everyone around you smile and laugh, and if you have a minute
or two before you leave your computer, take a look at my latest article on TheHuffington Post.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Keeping a schedule
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Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Masking
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Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Caregiver Survival
Receiving news of being diagnosed with Parkinson's is
earth-shattering and can feel like the end of the world. Initially the problem may
appear bigger than anyone could possibly manage to get their heads around. Pushing
away the reality of the prognosis, fighting against the diagnosis and all that
follows does not help. A caregiver who sets his/her mind to make the best out
of the circumstances and does whatever is possible to help the situation, is
not only helping the Parkinson's sufferer, but is also helping him/herself cope better. By keeping a positive attitude,
instead of wallowing in the misfortune of having married someone who has
suddenly been diagnosed with Parkinson's, is in fact self preservation for the
carer. However, if a caregiver harbours bitter feelings, remains angry, disappointed
at what life has dealt out and continually feels let down; although totally understandable,
this does not help, but simply exacerbates the problem and causes resentment
between husband and wife. Therefore finding a different route, and a way of
coping, by working closely as a team, lifting each other's spirits, staying
strong for one another, giving comfort and remaining supportive - the outcome
is far more rewarding for both sufferer and caregiver.
Monday, February 18, 2013
What triggers Parkinson's?
After having hip surgery
six years ago, I soon began to feel shaking in my left leg, and it took just
three months to confirm the diagnosis of Parkinson's. Other symptoms followed
quickly, and today I am not in the best of health. Having heard from many other
patients, there seems to be a common thread amongst some Parkinson's sufferers.
Many have similar stories to my own, having had surgery, some even hip surgery
in particular, and soon after diagnosed with Parkinson's. This
brings to question, is it the shock to the system of the surgery itself or the
anaesthetic that "triggers" the Parkinson's? I don't know if any
research has been done regarding this idea. I'm not saying for one moment that
I wouldn't have got Parkinson's had I not had the hip surgery, for even without
the surgery, I am sure that Parkinson's would have arrived on the scene at some
point, just maybe a little later in my life. I would be interested to hear from
any other patients who have similar stories, or from anyone who is doing research
on this specific topic.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Take back your life
If you are letting
Parkinson's rule the day, take hold of your life and get back in the driving
seat; control what you can and make necessary changes in your lifestyle for the
best quality of life possible. Don't let Parkinson's get the better of you.
Gather your strength and fight tooth and nail if you have to. It is easy to
slip under, becoming lethargic and surrender to this unrelenting disease, but
it takes great determination and a fighting spirit to keep going, staying
positive and never giving up hope. It's an uphill battle most days for
Parkinson's sufferers along with their caregivers. I am no different from you.
I have good days and bad days, I have dreams and I have fears; we all do. I
have been writing a daily blog since September 2011 with the aim of sharing my
thoughts and experiences as I journey forward in life, speaking honestly, I
hope I have given you food for thought. There are many official sites on the
Internet written by doctors or scientists revealing a fortune of valuable
pertinent information. However educational
these sites are, they have been written by those studying or working with
Parkinson's but don't actually suffer from this disease. I write in a straight forward raw manner from
the patient's perspective. Only a Parkinson's sufferer can truly understand
another, and only a caregiver can totally empathise with other carers. I've had
Parkinson's for six years now, and my body is tired. I'm not talking about the
kind of tired where a good night's sleep will suffice; I'm talking of total exhaustion
that makes one wonder how much more one can take; I can barely move my body
in the mornings from the pain and rigidity. Yet I force myself to get up and continue
to write. People from all around the world are reading my poetry, my blog and
articles, so it is in fact you, my readers, I have to thank, for you give me
reason to keep writing.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Blocking out disturbances
With many workers in and out of our house finishing the last bits and
pieces, touching up paintwork, fixing small faults, I find the constant noise
of them shouting at each other grates terribly on my nerves. Normally I cannot
tolerate loud music, but desperate to drown out the disturbing sounds of
workmen shouting, I put on Phil Collins - full volume - and it worked a treat.
Unable to hear the men at all, I could ignore the fact that there were workmen
everywhere. I am sure they must have thought this strange English woman who
shuffles around the house must be hard of hearing. Little did they know that I
was drowning out their voices. I'd rather listen to Phil Collins any day! I did
try to sing along, but my voice has little power left, and I must have sounded
like the cat that unfortunately entered our garden at his own peril and ended
up being "played with" by our over enthusiastic dog! I have also
found that listening to loud music, preferably with a good strong beat, (nothing
soft like a lullaby) works at night too. If I've trouble sleeping due to Parkinson's
and especially when I have unpleasant internal tremors, listening with
earphones to loud rock music, literally makes my brain concentrate on something
else, easing the symptoms considerably. My husband is delighted at this new
found solution as he loves listening to music played loud. I'm not sure that
the next door neighbours will be quite so pleased.
Take a look at my latest article on The Huffington Post. I wish you all a wonderful weekend.
Take a look at my latest article on The Huffington Post. I wish you all a wonderful weekend.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Valentine's day
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Depth perception
Parkinson's effects every
facet of one's well being, including eyesight. My eyesight is quite poor now,
but in particular I have noticed a change regarding depth perception. When we
moved into our new home, I was looking forward to putting away all the kitchen
utensils, dishes, pots and pans that I have acquired over the years. I had
planned where I thought everything should go, but somehow, despite the many cupboards,
it wouldn't all fit in. I couldn't believe everything fitted in my old kitchen
with no problem, and yet here in my beautiful new kitchen with lots of cupboard
space, something was terribly wrong. My husband who quite frankly has more
than enough to do, without needing to get involved in the kitchen which is most
definitely "my area" decided to step in. He could clearly see that I was
having great difficulty so gently took over and in no time at all, had
completely re-arranged the contents of the cupboards, fitting everything in
with space to spare, and in a manner that is easy and logical. I was delighted
with the end result and thrilled that he could do what I had not managed to,
but at the same time, I was deeply upset as I realised, I had hardly noticed another change has taken place. My lack of depth perception means I can
no longer judge a space and see what fits in it, and a simple job which should
have been a pleasurable one, left me feeling sad at my failing abilities.
Parkinson's is a perpetual thief who seems to keep coming back and stealing
just a little bit more.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Dragging one's feet
Talking with a fellow sufferer is totally different from talking to anyone
else. Recently whilst chatting with a friend, both understanding each other as
we had a good moan about the various annoying symptoms and scenarios we find
ourselves in thanks to Parkinson's, she
gave me much food for thought. I had to share with you, as anyone suffering
Parkinson's could empathise how she mentioned about being told to pick her feet
up when walking. I immediately remembered my neurologist and the
physiotherapist telling me the same thing. But this is far easier said than
done, as anyone with Parkinson's will confirm, lifting one's feet up instead of
shuffling is quite difficult and takes great effort and concentration. I know
that the best footwear is an orthopaedic sport shoe with flexibility, support
and a non slip sole, yet the laces present a frustrating struggle, where as my orthopaedic
mules slip on and off with ease but are not the ideal footwear for a
Parkinson's patient. My family have become accustomed to hearing my shuffling
house slippers as I move around at home. At the beginning they found it quite
annoying, but I think they are used to it now, and like a cat that wears a bell,
allowing you to always know where it is in the house, my family always know
exactly where I am - all they need do is listen for the shuffling feet!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Guilt
Guilt like a festering
wound can gnaw away at one's conscience and drive you to distraction. Although
logically I know I didn't choose nor am I responsible for having Parkinson's, as
nonsensical as it may sound I still feel guilty. It isn't easy when faced with a
life changing situation that automatically effects those you love, in particular
one's spouse. Having a disease like Parkinson's is the last thing I would wish
for, and my dearest husband doesn't deserve this unfair turmoil that has
descended upon us. If I could give him the sun and the moon I would, but right
now, I would settle for a cure to a disease that destroys millions of
lives around the world. "Parkinson's" - how I hate this word - a name
that once belonged to a doctor who was the first to record his findings of a
strange new disease he called "Shaking Palsy". Little did he know, he
would go down in medical history and millions would utter his name in horror
when diagnosed. He probably did not realise the magnitude of what he had
stumbled upon and barely understood the illness in 1817, and how many would suffer in the
years to come. As logical as I can be, I still feel responsible and guilty for
my family's situation. It's human nature
to take blame in such a scenario, however absurd this may seem, when I see the
necessary change in lifestyle, plans we'd made for the future that are no
longer viable, financial burden that besets any family stricken with chronic
illness, along with the on-going physical and emotional difficulties that are a
daily occurrence. How could one not feel guilty with all this upon one's
shoulders?
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Depression untreated
A vast number of people
suffering Parkinson's experience depression, but many go unrecognised and
untreated. Due to the masking effect (expressionless face), fatigue and
sleeping problems that are all part of Parkinson's, it is often very difficult
to differentiate between the regular symptoms of the disease and that of
depression. Diagnosing depression requires someone familiar with Parkinson's who
has experience in this particular field. Depression if not treated, can
actually make the condition worse. Living with a chronic disease (or in my case
two diseases!) can result in social isolation, so I find myself in a catch 22
situation. I have very little energy and my mobility compromised makes it
difficult to socialise, yet as human beings we all need interaction with others
to keep a healthy emotional outlook on life. Parkinson's disease, by its very
nature affects chemicals in the brain, and it is these very chemicals that are
responsible for our emotional feelings. The shame and stigma attached to being
depressed and requiring treatment should be shown the door. It is not a defect in
one's character, but a part of the disease itself, and therefore should be
treated with the dignity afforded all the other unpleasant symptoms. How sad
that some people will openly talk about resting tremors or shuffling as they
walk, but bring the word "depression" into the conversation, and I feel
like we're back in the middle ages. Let's move forward and tackle these issues
head on. I think its about time, don't you?
Friday, February 8, 2013
Caregiver burnout
Unlike some diseases, a
Parkinson's patient can live a long life, therefore the prospect of the
caregiver taking care of a loved one for many years to come may be
overwhelming. It is therefore vital that the long term caregiver doesn't
neglect his/her own health, avoiding regular medical appointments or tests.
Having a hobby or physical activity is a great outlet for the caregiver. Family
and friends can help by thinking of inviting the caregiver to events or social gatherings.
Just because a person with Parkinson's may not be able to partake in a
particular activity, don't forget about the needs of the caregiver who is able
and may enjoy participating. Chronic illness can cause the relationship in a
marriage to change considerably, and instead of being an equal partnership -
the balance unquestionably shifts. The one who takes on the role of caregiver has
increased responsibilities than the spouse who is ill, and is often left
feeling guilty and inadequate; more like a "patient" than one half of
a team/couple. Keeping family and friends living long distance in the picture
is important too, and they can help in various ways despite being far away. Even
a telephone call once a week to ask how the caregiver is holding up, sending a card,
e-mail or parcel filled with the caregiver's favourite "goodies" can
brighten his/her day, thereby letting them know they are thought about and
appreciated. Lightening the load of the caregiver to avoid "burnout"
just requires a little imagination and thought from family and friends. Small
gestures can bring great comfort to a caregiver who may look like they are
holding it together on the outside, but underneath that cool "got it under
control" exterior, there could be a drained individual in distress. Pay
attention and do what you can to help. Don't wait to be asked, or leave it until
it's too late.
Take a look at my latest article that appears on The Huffington Post.
Take a look at my latest article that appears on The Huffington Post.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Rest
Knowing when to push
yourself and when to take a rest isn't always easy to decide. I believe it is
my fighting spirit and desire to do as much as I can that keeps me going.
However, there are occasions when I'm exhausted, worn to a nub as my friend
would say, and simply need to sit or lay down to rest. It's not in my nature to
lay in bed, and therefore I find it difficult to take an afternoon nap when my
body is calling for one. Being able to pace one's activities is important, and
I'm far better at telling others to do this, than follow my own advice.
Sometimes I get carried away, wanting to finish whatever it is that I am doing,
so that I will feel some sense of accomplishment, but end up pushing myself too
far. Then with my family's words of "I told you so" ringing in my
ears, I end up paying the consequences of my actions. I don't push myself to
the limits out of stupidity or arrogance, but out of frustration at what I am
no longer able to achieve. Adjusting life to my present abilities is extremely
hard, and with much reluctance on my part, I have to make changes and
allowances. Mornings are the best time for me, but by lunch time, I am already
past my best, like a food item that has passed its "sell by date". As
the afternoon and evening approach, my energy level and abilities decline, and
by 10 pm I can hear my pillow calling out my name. It's a fine line between
doing all you can and keeping as active as possible without over doing things
and making the situation worse.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Soap story
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Made to measure shower bench
Having a special built-in
bench in our shower, I was asked by our builder what size the seat had to be.
The height was easy to work out, and able to immediately give him the
measurement, but he also needed to know how deep to make the seat. Ladies; have
you ever put on a pair of trousers and asked your husband "do these make
my butt look big?" Of course, a man never knows if to answer truthfully
and bear the consequences, or if he is supposed to tactfully lie; left totally
confused and clueless as to what is expected of him. Well you can imagine my
surprise at the builder asking such a personal question, not expecting to be
asked how big my bottom is and what size seat I would require, but upon
reflection, he was just doing his job. After having a wonderful shower
yesterday, sitting comfortably on my little bench, that has been made custom
made especially for me, I now understand the importance of knowing the size of
my rear-end! The bench looks tiny, so next time I feel I look large in a piece
of clothing, instead of asking that dreaded question of my husband, much to his
relief, all I need do is go and look at my shower bench to be reassured. They
say that size doesn't matter, but sometimes it does, so when I see my tiny
shower bench it makes me feel so much better!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Understanding Parkinson's
I was very happy to recently get together for lunch with a super lady, who
like myself, suffers from Young-on-set Parkinson's. Her charming parents also joined us for lunch,
along with my husband and daughter. Talking with a fellow sufferer, is
completely different from talking to anyone else. As soon as I began describing
a situation or some difficulty I have, I knew she would immediately understand.
I barely had to finish describing what I was feeling or thinking, as she too
goes through the same things, having similar thoughts. We spoke about being at
a function, a party or wedding, and how it is no longer a pleasant occasion, due
to the difficulties compounded by having Parkinson's. Just sitting at a table
with a large group of people, trying to follow several conversations that are
going on at the same time is impossible. One on one conversations are
manageable, but put me in a crowded room full of people chatting away, and I
feel most uncomfortable, overwhelmed and unable to handle the situation. If you
don't have Parkinson's, you might find this difficult to grasp, but if you are
a fellow sufferer, you will no doubt understand completely. Most people don't
realise how many unpleasant symptoms and side effects that this rotten disease
unleashes upon the unfortunate patient diagnosed with Parkinson's. In my latest article
in The Huffington Post, I wrote about the symptoms, but these were merely some
of the more common ones. There are many more - but somehow I didn't have the heart
(nor the space) to write about them all. It appears that there is a wide range from
mild to severe cases; whilst some patients have few symptoms and manage to live
a fairly normal life for many years, there are others that suffer a more
aggressive debilitating form of Parkinson's and whose lives are affected very
much.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
No regrets
Being able to say you have no regrets, and really mean
it is indeed an achievement. I'm always saying "live life to the full,
don't put off tomorrow what you can do today". Material things matter not,
it is what you do with your life and the time you spend with loved ones,
whether they be family or friends that really counts. Make wonderful memories
that will keep you warm and make you smile as the years pass. I don't want to
ever be in the position of looking back and thinking to myself "what
if?". Even when the odds seem against me, this does not deter me from
making the most out of every moment, and enjoying life.
Getting together with a fellow sufferer; having much
in common, is of great support and comfort to us both. She told me of someone in
their nineties who had said something that struck a note: "my memories have
become my enemies". I have never heard anyone say this before, and
although found it sad that one should view their life's memories in this
negative way, I did understand that the lady was referring to all the things
she could no longer do, and living so long, had no doubt lost many family and
friends over the years; a painful experience for anyone.
We all have baggage, that's part of life, and some of
it is not so good, but you can't change the past and so I've found it's
far better to concentrate on the present. Life can be hard and far too short to waste. Make the most out of
what you have, and live in the moment.
Friday, February 1, 2013
A morning like no other
Our dog is not allowed in the
bedroom and normally obediently refrains from entering. This morning however, I
spotted her looking very guilty as she skulked out of our bathroom hastily
chewing and swallowing the last remaining evidence of what she had found.
Taking a quick look at the white foam dripping from her chin, and evidence of an empty soap dish laying
on the floor, I didn't need the help of Sherlock Holmes to work out that our
dog had indeed eaten a bar of soap! Why she had eaten the soap; who knows? I
have a fair amount of experience with dogs, but have never heard of a dog
eating soap! Before I had a chance to contemplate if I should telephone the
vet, I was distracted by a bright bolt of lighting that lit up the entire room.
The heavens opened and a huge clap of thunder accompanied the teaming rain that
came down in a torrent, turning the
garden into a muddy mess, which was immediately followed by an electricity cut.
I hadn't opened the electric blinds since getting out of bed, and the house was
more or less in darkness; with no electricity I was now unable to open the
blinds to let the daylight in. So there I sat in the darkness, listening to the
storm outside, huddled next to our soap eating dog, wondering how I was going
to receive guests that were due to arrive in three hours! This was how my day started.
Thankfully the electricity resumed after an hour and the rain began to let up a
little. The dog looked fine, so I didn't bother calling the vet, and somehow I
managed to get everything ready in time for my guests whose company we
thoroughly enjoyed. I hope tomorrow morning will be less eventful. Thank
goodness it's the weekend!
Here is my latest article in The Huffington Post.
Here is my latest article in The Huffington Post.
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