Guilt

Guilt like a festering wound can gnaw away at one's conscience and drive you to distraction. Although logically I know I didn't choose nor am I responsible for having Parkinson's, as nonsensical as it may sound I still feel guilty. It isn't easy when faced with a life changing situation that automatically effects those you love, in particular one's spouse. Having a disease like Parkinson's is the last thing I would wish for, and my dearest husband doesn't deserve this unfair turmoil that has descended upon us. If I could give him the sun and the moon I would, but right now, I would settle for a cure to a disease that destroys millions of lives around the world. "Parkinson's" - how I hate this word - a name that once belonged to a doctor who was the first to record his findings of a strange new disease he called "Shaking Palsy". Little did he know, he would go down in medical history and millions would utter his name in horror when diagnosed. He probably did not realise the magnitude of what he had stumbled upon and barely understood the illness in 1817, and how many would suffer in the years to come. As logical as I can be, I still feel responsible and guilty for my family's situation.  It's human nature to take blame in such a scenario, however absurd this may seem, when I see the necessary change in lifestyle, plans we'd made for the future that are no longer viable, financial burden that besets any family stricken with chronic illness, along with the on-going physical and emotional difficulties that are a daily occurrence. How could one not feel guilty with all this upon one's shoulders?