In denial

For the past few weeks I have had a pretty rough time, and it is starting to prove a little wearying to say the least. Fed up of feeling unwell and living constantly with pain, I have decided just for today not to think about my health. I am going to all intents and purposes act as if I'm in denial. I think after six years of keeping a stiff upper lip (as the British would say) and a smile on my face, I'm allowed to be in denial for one day. Today is just one of those days I don't want to hear anyone asking "how are you?", or "Do you need anything?" It is painfully clear to anyone who knows me, how I am feeling, or at least it should be. As for needing something - yes yes, I need a new body that is in working order, and if you can't manage that, then I'll settle for the winning numbers of this week's lottery. 

Suffering two chronic diseases I have to put up with an awful lot - more than you can possibly imagine, and sometimes, on occasion, something brings me down and life gets to be a little too much to bear. I have too many symptoms, some overlapping, leaving me unsure of what is attributed to each disease. I don't know which doctor to approach, unsure what is happening - is it Gaucher related or is it Parkinson's? Who knows? I should probably be in hospital, but don’t want to go. So I have decided that just for today I'm in denial, and will indulge myself by refusing to think about my condition. 

In pain, I spent precious energy and great effort yesterday preparing food, and making my mother's recipe for lemon meringue pie. I had no supper last night, as we waited for our guests to arrive, but after waiting two hours, realised they were not coming. By then it was too late for me to eat, as I had to be on a fast for a blood test this morning. Our next door neighbours ended up being the recipients of the lemon meringue pie, since this desert does not keep well. Writing this blog I sit here waiting for the nurse to arrive at 06:00 to take my blood, and then I'll be able to have breakfast. Upset, frustrated, in pain and feeling low, I shall concentrate my thoughts on ice cream sitting in the freezer beckoning me, and the garden that entices me to sit outside with my faithful dog by my side and admire my meager gardening efforts. Tomorrow is another day, and I'll no doubt be back to my old self and tackle it like I usually do, with cheerful optimism and hope.