Feeling a little worse for wear, as if someone has
removed my batteries and I'm running on an empty tank of fuel, I have been trying
to take things easy the past few days. This is easier said than done, as its
really not in my nature to sit and do nothing or just laze around. I have a
huge fighting spirit and desire to experience and enjoy all I can, which is
stuck inside this body of mine that doesn't work properly! It's like I have an
evil twin inside me who's ready to take on the world, wants to dance the night
away and paint the town red, whilst the other part of me knows the reality of
my situation and is quite content to stay at home with my darling husband and
daughter.
I've often heard people pose the question: "Is it better to be
of sound mind and suffer from a physical illness, or lose one's marbles yet
physically be perfectly healthy?" To be honest, I think both scenarios
stink! I took care of my mother for the last few years of her life and watched her
mental health decline as dementia stole her away little by little, till there
was nothing left of her apart from an empty shell barely resembling the woman I
once knew. Here I am the total opposite, with sound mind, yet my body is
rebelling and battling each day two major diseases. I have everything to live
for, and this pushes me on, keeps me going when the going gets tough. Apart
from which, the fact that no insurance company in the world is willing to risk
giving me a life insurance policy (what a cheery encouraging thought) I am in the
strange position of being worth more alive than dead! How interesting is that?
the insurance companies presume I'm a bad risk and think they know something
the doctors do not. I will not be defeated by pessimistic insurance businesses;
if anything this strengthens my verve for I aim to prove them wrong. My husband
often tells me I'm not normal, and the doctors have rarely seen a case such as
mine, so with great determination, I'm going to grow old, have grey hair, lots
of laugh lines, and enjoy my life as much as I can.
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