Masked expression

Sitting here writing my blog, I was reminded of a something that Pankaj Gandhi said: “The prettiest smiles, hides the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears, and the kindest hearts have felt the most pain.” A smile is often the first thing one notices about a person, it can be the first sign of greeting or initial impression. I have felt for some time that my expression has started to freeze; mask-like on occasion and smiling now comes less natural. I used to continually have a big smile on my face, and although I still feel like I’m smiling, often no one else can see. Someone commented on the fact that I appear to be smiling less, and this is not due to feeling down or sad, simply that the muscles in my face are not responding as they used to. Losing my smile is a big loss to me, and whilst talking in a room full of strangers the other day, I felt acutely aware that my expression was frozen. People who do not understand this symptom of Parkinson’s might think that I am cold, unsympathetic or disinterested in what they are saying, but what they don’t understand is that under this masked expression, there is a huge beaming smile deep within me. I spotted a woman the other day and immediately recognised the classic Parkinson’s shuffle, non-swinging arms, resting tremor and frozen masked expression. As I neared her, we made eye contact, simultaneously realising that we were both taunted by Parkinson’s. Being part of this special group, a member of a growing fraternity where we have our own special ‘handshake’ (forgive my pun) and are members for life. There is no membership fee, no initiation ritual or secret ceremonies; just a diagnosis.