"Strange how life unfolds. When we’re young we see life as
limitless. Like the morning sun climbing the sky, we grow stronger each day
until we can’t help but believe it will always be so, but declining at the
moment we reach our own zenith, to approach a rapidly approaching horizon, to
eventually dip beneath it, our hope and belief that we will again arise, even
if on some other plane of existence."
Apart from sharing a love of books and writing, we found that sadly we
have something else in common; Conrad’s beloved mother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s
at the age of 52. As many of us have found, the tables turn at some point in
our lives, roles are reversed and our parents who once competently took
care of us, need us to care for them. Conrad has written with great honesty a heartrending
piece about his mother’s decline with Parkinson’s, demonstrating the love
between mother and son. Conrad would like to share this story which appears on his
blog entitled “Mother’s Day”, (you’ll have to scroll down to the third page).
If you have PD or are a caregiver, you will relate completely to what he has
written. Please feel free to leave a comment
on his blog.
Thank you so much, Elaine, for your kind words and for introducing me to your readers. I’m pleased to call you my friend and to add my voice to yours in support of caregivers—a difficult role to be sure; but one I was glad to fill for both my mother and my father. None of us gets out of this life without a few regrets, and I’m no different; but caring for my parents during their final days isn’t one of them.
ReplyDeleteAs a caregiver it’s easy to fall into the trap of wondering, “What’s in it for me?” More than you think, since it is in giving that we receive.
Best regards, Elaine,
Your friend, J. Conrad
Knowing that you've done your best to care for a loved one, whether acknowledged or not, must be reward enough. It has become that way for me, though time has played a great role in bringing about this feeling. On some level the loved one knows and appreciates what we have done, even if not mentioned.
ReplyDeleteMy only wonder is: who will care for the caregiver as none of us gets out of this life alive. Maybe part of the role of being a good caregiver can teach us to acknowledge and accept our own final journey.
Thank you for your wonderful essay.
No one knows what is in store for us from one moment to the next, let alone in a year or five years or twenty-five years.
DeleteWe do what we do, as caregivers, because it is the right thing to do, because it is what we choose to do. It has little, if anything, to do with who will care for us should we one day have the need.
In part, yes, it's about paying it forward, at least it was for me. My parents sacrificed much for me, and I could never pay them back for all they did. This was the best I could do for them, take care of them when they most needed a caregiver. I wouldn't have had it any other way, and today I have no regrets.
I have no children upon whom I can rely should the need arise, and I'm single, too, although I recently met a wonderful woman whom might be the one with whom I spend the rest of my life. Maybe she'll be there for me.
But life is anything but fair; we give not to receive, but for the giving, which is it's own reward.
And yet I feel compelled to give this warning: To the generation of parents who abandoned their children to day care to pursue careers ... your message is clear. When the time comes, don't expect your children to care for you, nor should you be surprised when they abandon you to the care of a nursing home.