I want to lodge a complaint; to whom, I'm not exactly sure, but this
body of mine just doesn't work properly, and my warrantee has run out, as if I
ever had one in the first place! When your stove, fridge or mobile phone stops
working and need to be fixed, if the said item is still under warrantee, you
simply return it to the shop and hopefully they are able to fix the problem or
you receive a new replacement model. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could do
the same with your body? Just imagine going into a clinic and saying, “ I'm dissatisfied with this body; it doesn't work properly, it’s got Gaucher and
Parkinson’s. I’d like to exchange it for model that is healthy, and if you can
give me an upgrade at the same time, that would be great!” This
non-existent futuristic clinic (a crazy thought, but I'm sure you also wish one
existed) would try to fix the glitch. Unable to, they would simply give you a
new body. The phone companies, when issuing you a new phone, transfer all your
numbers and data over to the new version, so this imaginary clinic of mine
would take my spirit and soul and transfer it into a healthy working body.
While they’re about it, maybe they could make me a couple of centimetres taller
and remove those extra few kilos that I just can’t budge! What do you think? I
think I've been watching too many science fiction movies!!! Don't worry I haven't gone crazy, it's just that at 02:15 when one can't sleep, I guess some strange ideas come into one's mind!
A warranty might be worthless, because most expire after the first ninety days. Warranties are designed to favor the manufacturer, most of whom are confident that their product will last those first ninety days.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I think the warranty expires the day we’re born. In this day and age, when doctors seem to delight in telling us the leading causes of cancer, heart disease, etc., I’ve always believed the leading cause of death is birth.
Maybe instead of a warranty a Lemon Law would be good. You know, like they do for automobiles? Too many things go wrong with it during the first six months of ownership and you can turn it in for a new one.
Knock on wood, my health through fifty-five years has been reasonably good. My girlfriend recently convinced me to play on her coed softball team. Well, I haven’t played softball in fifteen years. The next day I paid a small price for it. Not sore mind you, but a trifle stiff: my body telling me, “You remember when you did this when you were twenty-five and I never complained? Well, I’ve got a few complaints for you now …”
Complaints are one thing; but it’s tough when you get that final recall notice.
I don’t think you’ve been watching too many science fiction movies; you just have a healthy imagination. It’s healthy, too, to dream. So maybe your better days are behind you. But so what? Just remind yourself that your best days are ahead of you—when you finally conquer the Great Divide.
A fun read, Elaine.
I love it. Yes, I'd like an oil and lube job on my stiff joints and I wouldn't mind a battery recharge. Perhaps change the spark plugs and a new windshield would help too.
ReplyDeleteWho knows? Maybe someday your late-night fantasy will be a reality. Who'd a thunk 30 years ago that we'd be carrying cell phones around so I suppose anything is possible.
Feel better soon.